portrait of an emotional vampire

I don't know whether an emotional vampire is born into this interesting condition or whether he/she is made through traumas and abuse during childhood years.
As far as I remember, as a child, I lacked one vital thing. Empathy. Feelings for human beings. I had plenty of feelings for the earth, the greenhouse effect, the abolishing of nuclear energy, animal rights and respect for life in general. But when it came to humans, I could not feel at all. But I wanted to feel, so I indulged in over reactive bursts of possession, of magical connections, infatuations, and other over exaggerated manifestations that, to my untrained eye and heart, resembled emotions. They were, of course, hunger, craving, not real feelings. And they made people feel uncomfortably. Friends reacted, and reacted badly. At the tender years of puberty, they reacted with abandonment. To me, it was a shock. It was the proof that I was somehow flawed, that I possessed some vicious gene of madness. So I reformed. I learned my manners. I learned not to cross boundaries and to respect limits. Out of fear of harming them, and out of fear of them abandoning me once more, I learned to control the hunger.
And I went on, seemingly happily, into adulthood. And learned to feed my hunger on alternative means that could not hurt anyone - but me. I built a wall between the hunger and myself, to protect those around me, I built a reversed mirror inside the wall to protect me from my flawed self - the mirror looked always at the world, never inside. It was fear, of course. The fear of abandonment, the King of Fears. Especially developed to people with narcissistic personalities. Such as me.
But, despite the protection, the hunger would not go away. It needed to be fed, and was aroused by love. Romantic love, a thing I could never manage to control. When it occurred, it left me hopeless, in the mercy of the hunger. Lack of control activated fear of abandonment. Everything crashed down, each and every time I allowed myself to fall in love. My wall and mirror, my tools for survival, did not know when to let go and allow love and affection. The were programmed to doubly protect. And, most importantly, I was unaware of their existence.
So, hopeless in love supplies, the hunger still had to be satisfied. It started eating up the self. A series of phobias, obsessions and compulsions occurred - I had turned into an emotional vampire of myself , feasting upon my soul. That was enough to awake me from my dream of deceit into reality. And I saw the wall. And I tore it down. And I saw the reversed mirror. And I turned it to my self. And I saw the source. The fear. The black hole in my heart, the absence of emotions, the generator of the hunger.
Emotional vampires are nothing but immature hearts, their emotions being at an infant stage of development. Emotional immaturity, resembling a spoilt child, while underneath lies the terrible fear of unworthiness. They don't trust the world, they don't trust themselves. They hide beneath their ideal self image, but that's only a false reflection. A mere distortion carefully constructed because they think they lack something.
I have been always terrified at looking at mirrors. Especially when I was off guard, mostly when I woke up and was not fully concious and in control of myself. I have always had the intense idea that instead of my own reflection, I will face a monster in the mirror. Now that I am aware, I know I was afraid much more than a monster. I was afraid that I will look, and there will be no reflection at all.