The Truth behind the Lies

Honesty is partial.
We are the people that love to tell the truth, we are the people that love to hear the truth.
Up to a point, of course. The point of insult or the point of pain.
We live in a structured society that has behavioural limits. But, most importantly, we live our everyday lives within our own limits.


Society's limits are common sense and politeness. Our interior limits, though, too often, and sadly enough, are driven by fear.
Fear, again, then!

A simple example.
Our rather fat friend comes up with a new dress. ''How do you like it?'' she asks. ''Love, you look splendid'' we answer, in politeness, although we do add in our mind ''if you cared to lose those hundreds of extra kilos''. Or, we think ''the dress is astonishing, but you in it, rather ruins it''.
What we actually say is half truth, something of an innocent white lie, because we certainly do not want to hurt our chubby friends feelings. Because if we do, we may anger or disturb her and risk loosing her.
There! Fear!

Another example, more to do with love (our spicy topic).
Our boyfriend. We love him enough to go to bed with him.
In the beginning of the relationship, we were fascinated and neglected few uncomfortable things about him. Bedroom things, that is. And he is a nice man, on the whole, why talk about his coming too fast (and not giving a shit whether you actually came too, or if you 're insecure enough and faked few times, how the hell is he supposed to know anyway), or coming too slow (come on, it's been five hours already, come please!), wanting to have sex whenever he wants to have sex, and that is not too often, or wanting to have sex all the time, again, man?, we just did it!
And when we want to have sex more often, we are horny bitches and inconsiderate of his work, the football match, the weather or the stock market. Or when we do not really feel like fornicating chimpanzees, we are too cool, too inconsiderate that a man's got to do what he 's got to do, and if we don't give it, he will find plenty of interested birds out there.
What happens when these issues arise, then? Either we fake it, and play happy girlfriend, or we argue and argue and argue and pull long faces and get depressions and generally feel incomplete and nag about it all the time until from a few good friends that we cared to have, then...there were none.
The point is, we do not tell the truth to the person that needs to hear it. We tell everyone else. We send messages but we keep our mouths shut. Why? The fear of losing him, again.

But, recently I discovered, that the greatest fear is not losing a friend or a lover.
It is the fear of admitting to ourselves that we are afraid of negotiating our place in the world out of mere assumptions. We are afraid of losing whatever we secretly admit that is a convention.
That is, if our friend doesn't like our opinion about her weight and gets angry or even mean, that is her problem of negotiating with the truth. If our boyfriend does not like the truth about his not quite satisfying us, that is his problem, also.

Key word here is negotiating. Social life is based on negotiations. What can we both do (since we do love each other) to move a step closer? We might have to let go of some things that bother us. We might have to change some behaviour, or rethink about it.

But, of course, to be able to negotiate, we have to start telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. To the person involved.
And to the other person involved. Ourselves.